


You'll Turn Out Just Fine

by DeansMyApplePie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Hospitals, Self-Harm, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-12 22:09:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4496595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeansMyApplePie/pseuds/DeansMyApplePie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After becoming addicted to self-harm two years ago, you've never quite been able to break free of the demons in your head.</p><p>(Author's Note: Please do not read this if easily triggered!)</p><p>Rated mature because of language and more adult themes! </p><p>Enjoy! :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I realize I posted these short stories a long time ago, but I decided it was time for me to revise and finish them because we all know that if you look back on your writing from a year ago, it's complete and utter trash. So, here you go! Enjoy!

Life is hard. Especially when you’re fighting demons twenty-four seven. The ones in my head have always been worse than the ones with black eyes. They can drive you to insanity if you can’t get them to shut up. No matter how hard you try, they always eventually became too loud to ignore. I was usually more in control of my addiction, but right now, I couldn’t hold back. Everything hurt too much. It hurt in my chest. It hurt in my brain. My soul. It hurt in my very being. Why was I even here? Who even wanted me here anyway? Why hadn’t I just killed myself already? I couldn’t take it anymore. I went into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I grasped my blade from the back of my drawer. I had blacked out from the panic again. Looking down at my arms, anxiety reared its ugly head again. Too many. Too deep. Too much blood. The blade clattered from my fingertips. Blood splattered on the white tile, creating a disturbing scene. My breathing picked up as I blinked back tears.

_“Shit!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Thanks for reading and please make sure to hit that <3 button if you like! 
> 
> You can follow me on Tumblr @DeansMyApplePie if you feel like it! <3


	2. Dean

**-=:Dean:=-**

 

It had been five minutes and the blood was still coming. Nothing I tried stopped it and I knew they definitely needed stitches. I hesitantly padded into the library, the room spinning around me. Dean held a bottle of his favorite whiskey in hand as he read through his dad’s journal again.

“Dean,” I said, trying to keep my voice as steady as possible.

“Hey, what’s up, (Y/N)?” He asked, oblivious to how unlike myself I sounded.

“I-” I tried to stay calm as I held back tears. “I did something bad, Dean. Really, really bad.” I held my arms at my side awkwardly, unsure of what else to do.

“What do you mean you did-” Dean finally looked up at me, confusion written on his face. His eyes widened with realization and the bottle of whiskey shattered to the floor. I topped over into a nearby bookcase, dizzy, and almost dragged it down with me.

“What the hell did you do?!” Dean demanded, running towards me.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered over and over as he grabbed my wrists. He gathered me up into his arms and ran into the kitchen. Dean set me down on the counter and frantically began to search for a needle. When he found one, he handed me a bottle of vodka. 

“Pour that on them.” He commanded, threading the needle. I did as instructed and winced as the alcohol burned through my veins. His steady hands hovered over my left forearm, asking me with his eyes if I was ready.

“Just do it,” I said through gritted teeth. When the needle pierced my skin, I winced again and took a particularly large swig of the vodka. After what seemed like a lifetime of stitches later, I was patched up and exhausted. Before I had a chance to say anything, Dean held me close to him, as if he was afraid he was going to lose me. 

“Why did you do that to yourself?” He asked, and to my surprise, I felt tears dripping onto my shoulder. I sighed, feeling a rather large pang of guilt.

“I just... I don’t know, Dean. I’m sorry,” I whispered, ashamed of myself.

“Don’t you dare apologize,” He said, looking me intensely in the eye. We sat in the stifled silence for a moment. “How long?” Dean asked hesitantly, almost as if he didn’t want to know the answer. I paused.

"Two years." He looked down at me and the pain in his eyes reflected my own.

“Don’t ever do that again, okay?” I nodded, tears welling up again. “Promise me.”

“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Thanks for reading and please make sure to hit that <3 button if you like! 
> 
> You can follow me on Tumblr @DeansMyApplePie if you feel like it! <3
> 
> Next up is none other than Sam!


	3. Sam

**-=:Sam:=-**

 

“Shit,” I whispered again. I nearly jumped out of my skin when someone knocked on the door.

“(Y/N), you okay in there?” Sam asked.

“Yeah,” I squeaked. “Yeah, I’m fine!” I could almost hear him frowning as I picked up the blade and threw it in the trash. I put my jacket on cautiously and prayed the blood wouldn’t soak through. Just as Sam knocked on the door again, I opened it and pushed past him.

“Hey, are you all right?” He asked, obviously concerned.

“I’m fine,” I replied again, desperate for an excuse. “I just really need a tampon.” Sam gave me a face that clearly said, “TMI” as I sped down the hall. When I finally got to my room, I pulled off the jacket and yanked open the top drawer of my nightstand.

“Damn it,” I whispered, looking for gauze. “Where the hell are they?” I pulled the drawer out a bit more and it crashed to the floor loudly. _Fuck_. 

“(Y/N)?” I heard Sam call from the hallway. He opened the door and I whipped around in an attempt to hide my forearms from his sight.

“You okay?” I nodded, wishing he would stop following me. “What happened?”

“Oh, I was just looking for a tampon and I dropped the drawer.” I mentally cursed myself for having such a lame alibi. Sam frowned at me.

“You dropped your drawer while looking for a tampon?”

“Well, yeah,” I said, trying to be nonchalant. “I couldn’t find them and I thought they might be at the back of the drawer so I pulled it out to look and I guess I just pulled it out too far. No big deal.” _Please leave, please leave, please leave._ Sam raised his eyebrows at my quick speech. 

“You’re sweating,” he pointed out, rather unnecessarily.

“Hot flash.” I lied again, heading for the door. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back towards him. “(Y/N), talk to me. What’s going on?” I felt tears well up in my eyes again as he looked down at my arms. “Oh,” he whispered in a voice that was barely audible. I expected him to yell at me, or tell me to leave and not come back. I couldn’t wipe away my tears anymore because Sam had hold of my arms. He wasn’t looking away and I didn’t like it.

“Sam,” I whispered to him. “Let go.” He didn’t let go. I tried to pull my arms away from him, but he just tightened his grip. “Sammy,” I said again. “Please.” He let go and pulled me into a hug. 

“I’m so sorry,” He said.

“Why are you sorry?” I asked, my voice thick with tears. “I should be the one apologizing.”

“For hurting? Don’t be ridiculous.” He stroked my hair soothingly. “You’re going to be okay,” he said. “I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Thanks for reading and please make sure to hit that <3 button if you like! 
> 
> You can follow me on Tumblr @DeansMyApplePie if you feel like it! <3
> 
> Next up (by request), Crowley!


	4. Castiel

**-=:Castiel:=-**

 

I let tears silently run down my face as I took a nearby towel and tried to stop the bleeding.

“(Y/N)?” The voice made me jump and I looked up to see familiarly piercing blue eyes. I pressed the towel down on my arm harder, horrified. “What happened?” Castiel demanded, taking my other arm.

“I...” I trailed off, trying to think of something sarcastic. He looked at me with immense confusion. “I...” The towel fell to the floor and I burst into tears again. He froze, tilting his head to the side. 

“Did you do this to yourself?” I wiped my cheeks with the back of my hand.

“Yeah, Cas, I did.” His frown deepened.

“Why?”  
“I can’t take this pressure of not ever being good enough!” I blubbered embarrassingly. “I just want this to all be over!” 

“May I?” He asked, looking towards my arms. I nodded. He pressed two fingers against my forehead lightly and the wounds seemed to stitch themselves back together. “Sam and Dean have told me that you have struggled with expression.” I couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“I think you mean depression, Cas.” He shook his head, smiling his awkward smile at me.

“I do not understand why my Father would put this emotional pain in his best creations. Why he would want them to end themselves. It’s not right.” He put his hand over my eyes and it felt as if something was being leeched out of me. I opened my eyes once he had pulled his hand away and a dark cloud floated in front of me. I reached out to touch it but it disintegrated.

“What was that?” I whispered.

“I removed the expression from your mind. So you won’t ever have to be sad again.” I smiled at him.

“Why did you do that?”

“I do not like seeing you upset, (Y/N). I never want you to cry or be sad or upset for any reason. This way, you don’t have to be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Thanks for reading and please make sure to hit that <3 button if you like! 
> 
> You can follow me on Tumblr @DeansMyApplePie if you feel like it! <3


	5. Crowley

**-=:Crowley:=-**

 

I began to hyperventilate at the sight of my arms. I could see the bright red angry flesh through the blood. Closing my eyes, I tried to control my breathing. Someone took hold of me and I nearly screamed. My eyes snapped open to see Crowley’s face, inches from mine.

“Oh, Love, what have you done to yourself?” He asked, looking at me with great pity. I blushed, ashamed, and pulled away. “May I heal them?” I nodded, not meeting his eyes. A snap of his fingers and the flesh was healed. As I sat down on the floor, Crowley took a seat next to me. “You could have died, you know,” he said, looking over at me. I shook my head. 

“I don’t want that.”

“Then why do it at all?” I looked away, eyes growing hot.

“Listen, Love, I’m not trying to pry, I’m just concerned about you is all.” 

“Why on earth is the King of Hell concerned about me? I’m sure you have much more important things to do than worry about me.” I looked at him, confused. He shrugged at me.

“True, but for some reason, I have found myself very attached to you. And if you’ll let me, I’ve been told I’m a very good listener.”

“Fine,” I sighed. “Want to know why I do it?” I looked at him and furrowed my brow. “Because I have fucking problems. People have it worse, and I know that, I do, but Crowley, I need some relief! I can’t fucking deal with people loving me when I hate myself so damn much! I just can’t take that! I’m tired of needing the reassurance all the time and this takes away some of that pain, even if it’s only temporary!” He tried to put his hand on my shoulder but I pulled away.

“But you know what’s the icing on the cake of it all? You know what really makes it so fucking horrible? No one understands! I’ve tried to make people understand before and it doesn’t work. It doesn’t fucking work, Crowley. That’s why I do it.” He pulled me into a gentle hug and I froze, surprised.

“I was expecting you to leave or something.”

“(Y/N), I would never leave you. Especially when you’re like this. I’ll stay until you scream at me to leave,” he said, rubbing comforting circles on my back.

“I wouldn’t do that,” I replied.

“Then,” Crowley pulled back and gently wiped tears from my cheeks. “I suppose you’re stuck with me forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Thanks for reading and please make sure to hit that <3 button if you like! 
> 
> You can follow me on Tumblr @DeansMyApplePie if you feel like it! <3
> 
> Next up (by request), Lucifer!


	6. Lucifer

**-=:Lucifer:=-**

 

Sam and Dean were both gone. They would come home and find my corpse in the bathroom, wrists slit. Dean would probably drown his sorrows in alcohol. Sam would probably drown his sorrows in hunting. Castiel would be confused, there wasn’t any doubt about that. My mind became more sluggish as I continued to think. Suddenly the thought dawned on me and I panicked even more. I didn’t want to die. Sam and Dean couldn’t find me like this. It would tear them apart. They’d already dealt with too much death in their lives. I tried to stand, but I couldn’t. My muscles weren’t working. Frustrated, my eyes flooded with tears. I couldn’t stand or stitch myself up. I was going to bleed out and there was nothing for me to do. _Think, (Y/N)!_ I scolded myself, panic clouding my thoughts. Suddenly a thought occurred to me.

“Lucifer!” I tried to call out his name, but all that came out was a hoarse squeak. I cleared my throat and tried again. “Lucifer!” The blonde man popped into view in front of me and knelt down.

“About time. I thought you were going to die.” My eyes widened.

“You... You knew? Why didn’t you come help me?” I demanded angrily.

“Well, I figured if you truly wanted to die, you could come keep me company in Hell. Yes, your death would be tragic, but I would get to see you either way, wouldn’t I, Darling?” He gently took my arms. “Tsk tsk tsk.” I felt my face grow hot at the simple gesture. I looked down and saw my wounds closing themselves. Tears ran down my face as I bowed my head. “Don’t be ashamed,” he said, reading my mind. “Everyone goes through a phase like this. Some are just worse than others.”

“I-” Lucifer held a gentle finger to my lips.

“You don’t need to say anything. Just promise me you won’t forget how beautiful, intelligent, funny, caring, kind, strong, and _needed_ you are. I mean it, (Y/N).”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Thanks for reading and please make sure to hit that <3 button if you like! 
> 
> You can follow me on Tumblr @DeansMyApplePie if you feel like it! <3
> 
> Up next, Castiel!


	7. Gabriel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a comment if I missed any of your favorite characters!

**-=:Gabriel:=-**

 

The world started to fade away. I didn’t want it to, but what else was there to do at this point? I sat in silence, watching little inky dots of black web over my vision. A fluttering of wings sounded. Gabriel.

“Hey, Sugar, I brought you your favorite-” His sweet tone came to a halt as he looked down at me. My eyes drooped shut and the last thing I remembered was hearing his panicked voice. “No, no, no. Don’t do this to me, (Y/N). Do _not_ leave me.”

 

Waking up felt like being pulled from the grasp of death itself. I tried to fight it because waking up meant that I had to face whoever had saved me. I would have to face Gabriel. My heart skipped a beat. Gabriel. I didn’t want to die and he saved me. I hesitantly opened my eyes to find that I was wrapped in something warm and surrounded by a soft gold color. The warmth was Gabriel’s arms and the gold was his wings. I looked up at his face and found his eyes swimming with tears.

“Why?” He asked. My voice was dry when I answered. I couldn’t meet his eyes as I spoke, so I looked down at where the cuts should have been. He had healed me.

“Life is... Too painful,” I finally replied.

“(Y/N)...”  
“Please,” I whispered. “Don’t tell me it’s not healthy. I know it’s not, but I don’t know what else to do, Gabe.”

“Call me. I’ll always come running. You know I will, Babe.”

“Can... Can we please not talk about this?” He disentangled me from his arms and folded his wings behind his back. His eyes glinted with a fire I hadn’t seen before.

“We have to talk about this. We can’t just ignore it and pretend it never happened.”

“Why?” I asked, scared to know the answer.

“Because, (Y/N)! When I saw you dying on the floor, I felt like a piece of me was dying with you. You can’t leave me. Ever. Because you’re the puzzle piece that fills the hole inside me I never even knew I had until I met you. Because you’re too important in this world to leave it all behind. Because I’m not the only one that loves you.” My eyes widened, surprised.

“You... Love me?” Gabe looked at me, cheeks turning bright red. Finally, he nodded.

“I do.” I all but flung myself back in his arms, burying my face in his shirt.

“I love you too.” The words tumbled out of my mouth clumsily, but Gabe didn’t seem to mind. His grin could have been brighter than the Sun itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Thanks for reading and please make sure to hit that <3 button if you like!
> 
> You can follow me on Tumblr @DeansMyApplePie if you feel like it! <3


	8. Charlie

**-=:Charlie:=-**

 

Someone knocked on the door and I jumped. It couldn’t have been Dean. He was at the bar. Sam was there too, making sure he didn’t drink himself into a coma.

“(Y/N), you in there?” Shit. It was Charlie. “I yelled ‘Sup, Bitches’ and no one answered!” I hoisted myself up from the floor.

“Yeah,” I croaked. “It’s me.” Pulling my jacket back on, I quickly opened the door, forcing a smile.

“Whoa, you look paler than me. And I’m a redhead, so that’s saying something. You okay?” I hugged her, trying to act normal.

“Yeah, I’m just really tired.” I turned to head to my room as my head pounded harshly, pushing me to the breaking point.

 

The sound of pages rustling lured me back to consciousness. I was vaguely aware of the sound of beeping and... Someone saying something about a river?

“This hobbit was a very well-to-do hobbit, and his name was Baggins.” It was Charlie reading _The Hobbit_. Of course, it was. “The Bagginses had lived in the neighbourhood of The Hill for-”

“Charlie?” I asked, opening my eyes. Her grey-blue eyes looked tired. Dark circles were visible and worry had her face paler than usual. Her red hair was tangled and I suddenly remembered her mother. I cursed myself. Charlie had come in here and started reading _The Hobbit_ to me like she had years ago for her mom. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how much pain I had accidentally inflicted upon her.

“Oh, thank God.” She said, grabbing my hand tightly. My cheeks flushed and my heartbeat was out of control.

“I’m sorry...” I began softly. She put a finger to my lips, shushing me.

“I’m sure you don’t want to talk about it. We can go over your reasons later when Sam and Dean come back, okay? They should be here any minute. But for now...” She removed her finger from my lips leaning forward. Her soft lips connected with mine, leaving a spark on impact. I felt compassion and heat in the kiss and it deepened. Her tongue ran over my bottom lip and someone cleared their throat. We both pulled away, startled. Sam stood awkwardly while Dean’s mouth was agape.

“That’s twice now, guys! The fairy in the tent and now this? Seriously?” Charlie demanded, half angry, half joking.

“(Y/N), you’re a..?” Dean asked, utterly baffled. Sam clapped his brother on the shoulder.

“You owe me twenty bucks.”He said. I rolled my eyes.

“You guys are assholes.” Dean looked back and forth between the two of us and his eyes finally settled on me.

“That was seriously hot.” I grinned at Charlie, who leaned in for another kiss. Sam groaned in the background and I felt her lips smile against mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Thanks for reading and please make sure to hit that <3 button if you like!
> 
> You can follow me on Tumblr @DeansMyApplePie if you feel like it! <3


	9. Chuck

**-=:Chuck:=-**

 

My mind was racing as I stood there, shocked at what I had done to myself. _Gauze_ , I thought. I had gauze in my bedroom. I threw my blade back in my drawer and opened the door, feeling blood drip down my arms. I turned the corner too quickly and ran straight into Chuck.

“Oh, hey, (Y/N), I was just about to come get you. The movie’s ready.” I slid past him, trying to get to my room.

“Thanks, Chuck. I’ll be there in a minute, okay?” When he didn’t respond, I looked over my shoulder and gave him what I hoped was a sincere smile. I practically ran to my room to get the gauze. Finally, I found the roll under my bed. When I stood up, dizziness consumed me and I collapsed to the floor.

 

The world was swaying again, but less violently this time. I opened my eyes to find that everything was still blurry. I could somewhat make out Chuck’s worried face and realized he was carrying me.

“Chuck?” I asked quietly. He was much stronger than I originally thought. 

“(Y/N), stay with me, okay?” I nodded. Sleep didn’t sound comforting anymore. It sounded ominous and permanent.

 

“She’s coming around,” A worried voice said. My eyes flew open and I coughed violently, the smell of ammonia still hanging in my lungs.

“What... The hell... Is that?” I demanded between coughs. 

“Smelling salt,” Chuck said, putting a phone in his pocket. He grabbed my wrist and pressed two fingers against it. Pausing for a moment, he said, “Your pulse is picking up.”

“Probably because almost hacking my lung up scared the shit out of me!” I said, my heart still fluttering in my chest. I closed my eyes, trying to return my breathing to normal. Suddenly, something burned through my veins. “Fuck!” I cursed, opening my eyes. I looked down to see Chuck pouring whiskey onto my forearms.

“Sorry,” he said sympathetically. “It’s what Sam and Dean told me to do.” I stared at him, panicked.

“You told Sam and Dean?!”

“I had to, (Y/N). You passed out, your head was bleeding, and I had no idea what to do.It’s just... I can’t stand the thought of you dying because of my lack of knowledge. I care for you too much.” My heart skipped a beat. Was it just the blood loss or was Chuck trying to say he had a crush on me? I felt my face get hot.

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, I mean, I-” I couldn’t contain a smile. “Are... Are you laughing at me?” He asked, his tone disappointed.

“No, you idiot, of course, I feel the same way.” He smiled back at me.

“Let’s find you some gauze before you pass out again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Thanks for reading and please make sure to hit that <3 button if you like!
> 
> You can follow me on Tumblr @DeansMyApplePie if you feel like it! <3


End file.
